Anything to say Skip?

How could it be?
That your own son would die for me?
How could I know and yet this joy is far from consistant.
The pain of your son dying before your eyes,
It indeed brings tears to mine.
Dear God your love, a love divine.
When asked how the blood on the doorposts of my heart has changed me,
“Anything to say Skip?”
“No,” I answer, but there is indeed too much to say.
Not enough words, not enough time in the day.
Your love has given meaning, has given purpose.
In a life where one once thought ,”worthless.”
A greater love there never was.
Lord to you a larger debt was never owed.
Such deliverance you have provided,
Of things to few one has confided.
You’ve turned my eyes I pray they stay one sided,
And don’t turn back to pain for joy misguided.
Lord your patience everlasting.
But your foolish servant, has shadows casting.
It mars the way by which she’s passing.
Thirteen years this ongoing battle has been waged,
A time much longer than the four from the seventh aged,
Of anger there is much,
For that addiction, for that crutch, sometimes, it doesn’t always take much.
But you are there, I think of you.
I think of the love, the life, the death of you.
Your patience dear God, Abba, daddy.
I’d live for you and die for you gladly.
It’s true we still wrestle.
You are still molding this heart, your vessel.
But God enough thanks I cannot express.
Finally knowing love, and putting aside feelings of worthless.
Finally knowing love and running to your embrace.
Finally knowing love, and crying for you embrace.
Finally running to your love, your embrace, and running from sharp and aimless days.
Terrified and nervous, but you are full of faithfulness.
And the thought of you, being tortured for me,
That you were thinking of me up on that tree
While so many scorned, spit on,
You were bleeding, you couldn’t breath,
And you were thinking of us, of the world, and of me.
That I mean that much to somebody,
Dear God I can’t express how much that has changed me.
If I didn’t know your love I don’t want to imagine the person I’d be.
Dear God I thank you that in my unfaithfulness you haven’t abandoned me.
I thank you that in my years of blindness, of anger, of lies, of feelings of worthlessness,
You were waiting so long for me to turn to you.
All you wanted was to pick me up, to embrace me.
But I was running away from you and foolishly running to other things.
And then it dawned on me, all that I was doing to you with all you’ve already done for me.
Everytime, you felt it too, so much worse cause everytime I was re-killing you.
Everytime, you died again, you were flogged, and spit on and scorned again.
Everytime you relive all you went through, and yet you’re still here.
Through all the pain, through all the tears, and with every year.
You are still here.
If all you got was one heart from the beatings that tore you apart.
You would have done it just for that one heart.
You are my hope, you are my love, you are my life.
Because with your love you’ve given me hope,
With your love, you’ve taught me to love,
With your love you’re ever healing, true healing, the painful healing.
You are breaking down walls I keep trying to rebuild.
There are times that I hide, from you, from the world,
I hide behind a tiny part still standing,
Until you with tender strength tear that part down too.
Lord your love has taught me love.
Lord your love through death has given me life.
And Lord this life you’ve given, yes it brings out fear.
Fear of vulnerability, fear that too many may hear.
But Lord, you and I, we’ll conquer that fear.
One thing I’m most thankful for, it brings out a tear.
Yes just one tiny tear, one that is clear.
Never will one be more thankful for a tear.
Never has one more longed for a tear.
Father, Abba, Daddy, Thank you for your tears.
The tears of your son, the blood of your son.
Yes Lord God, you’re the only one. Thank you Father for all you’ve done.
So yes my friend, I have much to say.
Far more than what I have said,
Maybe someday with specifics instead of the generalizations you just read.
Yes I have much to say, I just…I wasn’t…I’m not ready today.
So read up, take it to heart.
So many things, where should I start?